Why Didn't You Say?
by LittleMissYaoi
Summary: Zell doesn't think Squall loves him any more and cuts his wrists. But he cuts them a little too deeply. Oneshot. Selfharming and suicide.


Zell's POV

I thought just being with him would be fine. But lately I don't even know if he loves me any more. I tell him every day that I love him but he doesn't ever say it back. It's gotten to the point where I can't stand it. I have found comfort in other things. When I feel the sharp point of his gunblade across my wrists. It makes me feel connected to him again.

He doesn't know and I'll never let him find out about my strange habit. But it's the only way to at least feel close to him. Sure he holds me when I sleep and we make love but I don't feel his love. I question him on what he's thinking but he always says it's nothing.

He won't talk to me like he used to. He still smiles and everyone thinks he's okay. But I know deep down some things not. I think it's me. The reason he's distant is because of he. I wish I knew what I had done but he won't say.

He comes home and wraps his arms around me. He kisses the back of my neck and for a moment I think everything is fine. But it's only for a moment. "How's Garden doing?" I ask.

"Fine as usual." He replies resting his chin on my shoulder. Balamb Garden and all the other Gardens haven't been called out for missions in over six months. The World is at peace and everyone enjoys it. But to those that have been trained to fight, peace can be too much. When we were on missions we felt alive but now it's quiet. There's nothing for us any more.

He runs his hands down my sides and I shiver. He's horny and I can feel him harden against my rear. I turn my head and smile at him. "I love you." I say. He smiles back. He takes my hand and walks me to our bedroom.

* * *

After our lovemaking I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I'm a bit sore but I'm used to it. I pick up his gunblade from the living room and take it with me. I lock the bathroom door. He never said it again. I told I loved him and he just smiled. I know now that he doesn't love me. Maybe he's just with me out of pity or to get laid. Is that all I am?

With these thoughts running through my head and bring the blade across my left wrist. I hiss at the pain and relish in the feeling. I feel the connection between us and I close my eyes as I run the blade across my wrist again. I winced, as the pain is more than the first. Then I feel the connection getting stronger. I always wondered if he felt the same connection when I did this.

I feel dizzy and I fall to my knees. I drop the gunblade and it clanks to the tiled floor. I clutch my head. I feel really dizzy and my vision gets blurry. I notice a lot of red and look at my wrist. I must have gotten an artery because blood is pouring down my arm and onto the floor. It has soaked the bathroom rug and most of the ground.

I try to get up and clear it up but I can't even stand. I lean again the bath and use it to pull myself up. I move to the toilet and sit on it and look in the mirror. I didn't know I looked so bad. I looked very pale and sickly. When had that happened? My head hurts and a fall back to the ground.

There's a knock on the door and I'm alert. "Zell are you okay?" It's him. He sounds worried.

"I'm alright." I say as my eyes droop. I open them and try to see the room.

"Zell there's blood coming from under the door." He sounds confused. I guess if I were in his shoes I would be too. "Zell please open the door." He sounds frantic but my eyes are so heavy maybe I should just close them. Yeah that sounds good. I close them but banging on the door is distracting me. "Please Zell. Open the door." I can't move and I'm so sleepy.

Suddenly the door is burst open and he's there looking very surprised. I try to smile at him but I can't, I want to sleep. I close my eyes. "No Zell. Don't sleep." I can't open them. I feel his hands touching my bleeding arm. I hiss at the pain. There's a noise of some thing opening. "Why Zell?" He asks. His voice is so smooth and full of confused worry. "Why did you do this?"

"Because you don't love me." My voice sounds so distant. I still can't open my eyes.

"I do love you." He insists. His voice sounds distant too. I can barely make it out.

"Then," I try to hear himself but I can't. Everything is slipping away. "Why... didn't you... say?"

**The End!**

* * *

I didn't realise how sad that actually was. Review please! 


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